the story of barney at kfc
by smashandnab
Summary: barney works at kfc and he has amazing adventures cause he's like a dino guy and a gay guy and a caveman all at once and he works at a kfc and he's trying to fix the minmum wages of humankind while trying to rekting his neighbor jim
1. teh beginin

"a beauty-full fanfixion that will touch the sole" - some hobo I found on the street

as the son was begining to rise, barney woke up on a desk. not surprising, he was drunk last night. he went to his car and drove to KFC, so he could eat while on his hangover. when he arrived, there was a sing out front that said "help K**NOT** Wanted!" and thus, i went out to help them.

when barney got there, i said to myself, 'i just had to be the fucking dinosaur this time right?' you see, barney had an interesting case of the amnesia, where he imaged himself as either that one gay dude from how i met yore fathr, the caveman from fred and friends, and the big purple grimacey thing

i got into the kfc, and i said with a quiet voice, '**ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR'**

barney acxsidentally wok up ever-yon in the kf,c,.

suddenly the boss of the place came out, it was zombie colonell adam sandlers

'god dam it y did you wake me up' said zombie adam saddlers

'i want a help people, pls. fi- i mean hir me' said borneo

'we all ready have every spot filled you idiot didst u red the sign it said help **NKOT** wannest'

'but i cooooould make a deal for you' 'go get me an employee brain and maybe well have a spot fil'ed'

'ok' said barnet, and so he went to use his dino powers

then all of a sudden, i lost my Dino abilities and become a caveman again, where he used my funny wits to accidentally decaptaeit halo's head (halo was an employ at the kfc)

'here u go boss' said barn-e 'rip in peace halo 1920-2015' said colonel Adams dlers 'congratulations you now have a job here' said colonel handlers

'yaaaay' said bsrneh

'bad news tho you killed the employee who uh' 'shit what did he do again' 'alright fine whatever look uh just stand around and be a good person to people ok' said colonel saddlers

[it is at dis opine wher the business card of halo was revealed, and it said 'rpofessionel jew', but nobody red it cause he deed)

'congrautlatoins youll be paid in a week' said colonel adam sandlot

'all rite cool' said banry 'so what do now'

'idk just uh go home i guess ill facts you a contrary to sign l8r' 'airline cool'

and so i went back home, only to find that his home was burnt down

'who do dis' me said

'it was meeee' said somebody

he turned a circle and suddnley i WOs face to fase with my nemesis, (and my OC] dark metal baby pink gold dark again stone cold et Palatino jr. and knurls, but we call him jim for short (OC donut steel)

'lol get rekt birch' said jim and he ran off

'dod admit jim' said barney

[END OF CHEATER[


	2. teh 1st day of work

teh next day barney went back to K/F/C and colonell adam sandle was eating halo's brain. 'hi boss' said barney, but colonell just whispered back at him, '**MURAGAWRHAREHAWRHBRWGWH**' cuz he was 2 busy eating brains to talk. 'gee it sure sucks jim decided to brn my house down' i thought to myself. then barney's first ever customer walked in.

captain failcon walked in. 'ohai zombie colonell' he said. '**WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY' **shouted zombie sanders so falcon said 'i mean ohai zombie colonell sir', because captain flacon was only a captain and colernells were higher ten dat. so he walked up to me and said, 'ill have one fired chiken plz', but zombie adam sandlers yelled at him 'no, you're gonna have TOO'

this was a problem, u see, cuz captain failcon's racecar career had gone downhill since he got into smashing and now he was poor. 'but sir i cant afford 2' 'well 2 bad im ordering u to'. barney didn't know what to do. but he couldn't afford to lose his job after jim exploded his house so he went with what teh collonell said. 'falcon u wil order 2 chikens' 'NO I WON'T **FAAAAALCOOOOON-' **but then adam didn't authorize the falcon punch ability! oh noes!

but wat colonel adam sanders didn't know was this made captain falcon **ANGRY**. in fact captain falcon was so fureeous that he became **EVIL CAPTAIN FALCON! **'i will now destroy your kfc' he shouted before laughing like an evil captain falcon. suddenly tough i switched from da gay guy to the caveman. barney pulled out his caveman klub and used my smashing abilities to hit evil captain failcon over the ehad. 'OW OW OW OW' he said

barney thought he'd won but ten evil captain falkon got ready for another attack! gasp! it wasa bout 2 destroy KFC forever 'oh noes' shouted zombei sandlers and me. but then HALO WAS A ZOMBIE! so zombie halo stood up. 'hahahaha you can't stahp me nao' said the evil captain falcon but halo just fucking ate that bitch.

**AN: HOT ZOMBIE SEX SCENE IS NEXT!**

so then halo's girlfriend samus walked in and she took her armor off and was TOTALLY NUDEZ! zombie halo said 'awww yeah' and had totally hot zombie sex with her ooooh ya. but zombie halo didn't use a condom! oh noes! and samus got pregnant and gave birth to a little baby metroid, but halo was a zombie so it was actualyl a zombi babee metroid. and barney gave the zomby baby its first fired chciken and everyone was happy!

but jim was watching from somwher else, idk where. 'eheheheh tose gais must think their so good after stopping evil captain failkon, but dey aint. i, the evil jim, will destroy them all! muahahahahaha!' but right now dat was of no concern to our heroes.

naked samus and zombie halo had totally hot sex again. they were afraid that poeple would protest zomiesexuality. but they didn't caer right nao. but konkey dong was angry dat zombei halo was havin sex wit his gal. 'dat fuckin zombie punk is gonna get it' eh shouted out as eh watched it, but b4 he culd smash his face in eh got hungry adn went to eat some banananas.

meanwhile my shift was up so barney got up and left. 'man what a day.' zombei sandlers texted me later, 'barney u totez saved da day if u kepp dis up i might not make u a zombei' and that made me happy. i went home. but barne'ys adventures were only begginingg cuz being a kfc worker in dis town is a dangerous line of work.

]END CHAPTER 2(


	3. barns homie search

[4:20 pm, we meet bareny at his hom)

'holy shit the newspaper' 'where the fuck is it' 'oh shit thats right jim has it'

and so barney walked over to jim's house before remembering that jim rekted him the last time he saw him

'how the fukc do i get het news' 'oh Shi'ite thas rite i can ask 4r 1ne from my otter nayber'

and so i walked over to his neighber's yard, and barren knuckled all over the door'

suddleny boarney's other neigabor darts voider walked out

'the fukc u wantin boarn' 'i want a news pap pls.' 'the fukcin newspepper boy didn gimme jack shit today you idiot its saturday'

'is newspaper boy die?' said banrley 'no you doit theres no newpapr on saturdays thats why we evneted telvison'

'i guess il go wash tb then' 'by garth' 'go away b4 i _**FORCE! **_you to leav' (LOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOL)

and so i wakeled bkack to his home only to remembr jim rekted it

'shit how do i wath tv' 'o thats right kfc has a tv'

and so barney went back to kfc on sat- oh wait no kfc his clsed on satuedyas

'shit how do i wath tv' 'o thats right kfc has a tv'

and so barney went to the weekend kfc that was olnyl opn on saturday for som reaosn (sunday isn a day anmor)

[[[[[**BREakING NEWSSSSSSS]]]]]]**

"YOU JUST LOSED THE GAME YOU STUPID IDIOT" "GOD DAMN IT BAORNEY HWO THE FUKC DO YU WIN THE 'MOST HOUSEY HOUSE' COMPTON WIFOUT A HOME'

'but i hav a ho- oh wait no i dont shit'

"in other news, national universal president boob 'laugh man' braker is died at tha erg of 306' 'he was found dead as result of hart atack frm findin out SOMEONE DIDNT HAVE A HOME''

'omg did i kill bob brak' 'oh fuck im so ded'

"national erections are set to starve soon to fin a new natiotonal universe precensent'

and so when i stepped out of the weakened kfc, ther wiz and angry mob

'why the fukc dont u have a hom' 'my nehgbor rektd it' 'whys u let him rektd it' 'he was reall dark and it was nit'

and so as he start to run from the mad mom, he tripd onto a newspap

'omg a news pap' 'fuck what it say'

[FREE HOME FO SAEL: 278 MILE OUT OF TOWN]

and so barney with an anger Moby dick behind him, began to run the 278 mile out of town, but then he ran off a clif

will he make it?/

[FIENDISH OF CHAP THR33)


End file.
